The Legend City Affair
by MLaw
Summary: Napoleon and Illya find themselves in an 'amusing' situation as they try to evade two THRUSH goons. Originally posted for the PicFic Tuesday challenge on Live Journal and Dreamswidh. The cover is the prompt for the story. pre-saga


Both Solo and Kuryakin knew instantly they'd made a mistake as the hurtled themselves over a wall, not looking at the sign advertising,' Legend City,' a newly opened western-themed amusement park located on the border of Phoenix and Tempe, Arizona.

Quickly surveying their surroundings, they ducked into the General store, and outfitted themselves with clothing more suitable to the environment. Napoleon, for once, was dressed more like his partner, wearing black pants, a black pin-striped vest of over a white shirt, black western tie and leather gloves along with the crowning glory, a black stetson hat. He looked like a fancy gunslinger with a black holster slung on his right hip, holding his Walther and not a six shooter.

Illya wore a simple checkered shirt with a bandana tied round his neck, tan pants, brown vest, a pair of brown leather boots and a large cowboy hat hanging down his back from a bolo string. He too had his Walther in a brown leather holster hung low on his hip.

"Do you really think these disguises will fool them?" The Russian asked.

"Hey it's worth a try, now just try to blend in and try look like one of the employees."

Those working the amusement park were attired in clothing that made them look like they'd just stepped out of the movie, 'The Magnificent Seven'... though mostly resembling regular townsfolk,, with men simple clothing and sombreros, the señoritas in colorful dresses and shawls.

The agents strolled among the crowds, trying to not look conspicuous.

"Stick em up Mister," a voice called from behind them, and they both turned, going for their guns. They stopped instantly when they saw it was a little boy, wearing a red cowboy hat and aiming his cap gun at them.

"Get lost kid," Napoleon growled under his breath.

"Dennis! Where are you?" A woman called out, finally walking up behind the boy. "There you are... you bothering the employees again? Sorry Mister."

"Ma'am," Solo tipped his hat, getting into his role as a Western gunslinger.

The mother grabbed her son by the ear, pulling him away, but Dennis managed to fire off a few caps, aiming his toy gun at the UNCLE agents.

Napoleon went for his weapon in fun, making Dennis' eyes open wide with delight.

"We do not have time for games," the ever serious Russian chided.

Together they continued walking among the crowds, trying to stay hidden in plain sight, but their subterfuge was unsuccessful as they were spotted a short while later.

"We have company," Illya blurted out as he spied pair of men wearing identical black cowboy outfits, headed their way, and they were most certainly not employees of the park.

"I guess they had the same idea as we did," Napoleon remarked. "And what is it with THRUSH always with matching disguises?"

Kuryakin shrugged his answer as they took off across the concourse, trying to evade being captured by the men still dogging them.

Napoleon and Illya dodged past families with young children, heading to their day of fun at one of the attractions...the Lost Dutchman Mine ride, Cochise's Stronghold river ride, the Sky Ride, Miniature Golf, Log Jammer, and the Iron Horse train ride, just to name a few. These innocents had no idea what was really going on around them and Solo was determined to keep it that way.

The agents squeezed through a crowd of people scrambling to queque up for the next stage coach ride, while others headed towards the miniature car track. Legend City would have been an amusing place to simply visit if not for the men with real guns chasing the two of them.

They veered away from the lines, not wanting to risk putting so many innocents in harms way and of course the amusement park had to be packed, apparently for 'free snow cone day.'

"That way," Solo huffed, pointing his partner to the 'Golden Palace Saloon,' but upon seeing a large family group waiting at the door to get in, he quickly changed his mind, again veering off in another direction.

He spotted the penny arcade, directing Illya to head there instead. As they ran inside, they found it filled with all sorts of noisy diversions... a photo booth, pinball machines, ski ball, fortune-telling, love-testing machines, as well as cotton candy, popcorn and souvenir vendors. There was western music blasting from a loudspeaker...

"O bury me not on the lone prairie."

These words came low and mournfully

From the pallid lips of the youth who lay

On his dying bed at the close of day.

He had wasted and pined 'til o'er his brow

Death's shades were slowly gathering now

He thought of home and loved ones nigh,

As the cowboys gathered to see him die..."

"Oh those are cheerful lyrics, considering we may be dying by them," Illya said out of the side of his mouth. As usual, he was ever the fatalist.

"Not if I can help it," Napoleon retorted.

The black-clad THRUSH ominously pushed through a pair of bat-wing saloon doors, letting them swing and creak behind them.

Napoleon and Illya spotted them and ran past the few children inside,trying to evade them.

Illya grabbed a gumball dispenser, sending it hurtling downwards behind him and Solo; the glass shattering and scattering hundreds if the multi-colored contents rolling across the floor.

The pursuers ran through, not realizing what was beneath their feet. For a moment they tried to regain their balance as the gumballs rolled, making them look like they were standing on the heaving deck of a ship, with their arms flailing to maintain their balance.

They failed as their feet went flying up into the air, with both of them falling backwards; one knocked out as his head hit the hardwood floor, the other Napoleon quickly dispatched both men with sleep darts.

The UNCLE agents carefully stepped over the two men as if nothing were wrong at all, and exited the arcade remaining as nonchalant as they could.

A rather pretty woman stood aghast as the sight of the men on the floor.

"Don't fret your purty little head ma'am, just part of the show," Napoleon did his best John Wayne imitation." There'll be another one at noon," he smiled as he remarked, respectfully doffing his hat to her.

He walked past; watching the children scrambling to pick up the free bubblegum scattered around the unconscious men.

As the reached the swinging bat wing doors, the people inside broke into a round of applause, now thinking it was all a performance.

"That was a ball, wasn't it tovarisch?" Solo punned. "I could get into this Western thing."

"Tsk. Speak for yourself," Illya grimaced as he tried to scrape a thick wad of bubblegum from the sole of his boot...


End file.
